I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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