Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
