I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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