You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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