The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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