Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
