my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I could fuck to npr.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
