A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
