i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
