so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
