The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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