Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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