On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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