That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
