Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i need some magic done to my vagina
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
