im having a threesome with these popsicles
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
