you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
