Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
