Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
