sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
