your thong is hanging out like whoa
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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