My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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