I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize