is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
