id be glad to
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
