Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
