Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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