Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
