you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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