U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
