We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
