(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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