That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
