Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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