Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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