i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
