My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
