I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we're making bets on your personal life
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize