Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
