Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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