I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize