I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
