Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
