just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
