we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
