i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
