yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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