Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My cat gives me a boner
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
