my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
