Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize