You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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