there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
