nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
