Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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