If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
