you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
ugly people sure do ruin things
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
