In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
