first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
