I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
