i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
