Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
