my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
