that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
