I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
