My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
