DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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