I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I am one with the molecules
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I have aggressive nipples.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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