that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
