ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
