What did we do last night that was yellow?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
