When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
