do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
