He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Plan B is the new Plan A
one two three fourrrrnication!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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