It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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